Therapeutic Change: A guide for Adults with Autism and ADHD

Why Does Change Feels So Hard? A Simple Guide for Autistic and ADHD Adults

1. Change Is Hard for Every Human Brain

All human brains prefer predictability. Predictability saves energy.

When we try to change something — even something small — the brain has to work harder than usual.

To understand why change can feel hard for adults with autism and ADHD, it helps to know about something called executive functioning.

2. What Is Executive Functioning?

Executive functioning is the brain’s self‑management system.

It includes skills like:

• Planning — working out what needs to happen

• Organising — putting steps in order

• Task initiation — getting started

• Shifting — moving from one task to another

• Inhibiting — stopping old habits

• Working memory — holding information in mind long enough to use it

Executive functioning is like a finely tuned sports‑car engine — powerful and capable of incredible performance when conditions are right. But even small amounts of pressure, overload, or unexpected demands can disrupt how smoothly the engine runs, making everything feel harder.

3. How Autism Affects Change

Research shows autistic people often have different patterns of executive functioning compared with non‑autistic people.

This includes differences in:

• switching tasks

• planning

• working memory

• processing unpredictable change

What this means in everyday life

• Change requires more energy

• Routines feel necessary, not optional

• Unexpected change can feel physically stressful

• Starting new habits can feel overwhelming, even with strong motivation

These differences are neurological, not personal failings.

4. How ADHD Affects Change

ADHD also involves executive‑function differences, but for different neurological reasons.

ADHD research shows differences in:

• task initiation

• working memory

• inhibition

• sustaining attention

• motivation and reward processing

What this means in everyday life

• Starting tasks feels harder than finishing them

• Boring tasks feel painful or impossible to begin

• Motivation drops without novelty or urgency

• Change feels “too big” unless the reward is immediate

ADHD brains often need more stimulation to activate the systems that support change.

5. Autism vs ADHD: Same Outcome, Different Mechanisms

Both autistic and ADHD adults struggle with change — but for different reasons.

Autism ADHD

•Change disrupts predictability •Change doesn’t feel rewarding enough

•Switching tasks uses extra energy •Starting tasks requires extra stimulation

•Stress increases sensory and cognitive load •Stress reduces motivation and focus

•Burnout comes from long‑term overload •Burnout comes from long‑term effort + inconsistency

Both conditions lead to the same lived experience -
“I want to change, but my brain feels like it’s resisting.”

6. Burnout: Why It Makes Change Even Harder

Both autistic and ADHD adults experience burnout, but for different reasons.

Autistic burnout

• Caused by long‑term sensory, social, and cognitive overload

• Hard to notice early signs

• Leads to exhaustion, shutdown, and loss of skills

ADHD burnout

• Caused by constant effort to “keep up”

• Years of criticism or inconsistency

• Emotional exhaustion from masking or overworking

Shared burnout effects

• Low energy

• Reduced executive functioning

• Difficulty starting anything new

• Feeling overwhelmed by small tasks

When the brain is in “low battery mode”, change feels impossible.

7. Perfectionism: How It Makes Change Even Harder

Perfectionism is super common in both autisim and ADHD, but for different reasons.

Autistic perfectionism

• Fear of mistakes

• Need for predictability

• Desire to avoid sensory or emotional overwhelm

ADHD perfectionism

• Years of being told you’re “lazy” or “not trying”

• Fear of inconsistency

• “If I don’t do it perfectly, I’ll lose control of it”

Shared perfectionism effects

• All‑or‑nothing thinking

• Avoiding tasks that feel too big

• Feeling like a failure after small slips

• Pushing too hard → burnout → crash

8. 3 Reasons Why Your Brain Resists Change (Even When You Want It)

1. Change uses a lot of executive‑function energy: Autistic and ADHD brains both need more energy to plan, switch, and start tasks.

   
   

2. Burnout reduces your available energy: when you’re burnt out, your brain is already running on low power.

   
   

3. Perfectionism adds pressure: pressure increases stress, which reduces executive functioning even more.

Remember - your brain isn’t being difficult.
It’s trying to protect you from overload.

9. What Helps: Strategies That Work With Your Brain, Not Against It

When you are trying to make changes in your life, including therapeutic change such as breaking patterns, try and be guided by the following principles:

1. Make changes tiny — smaller than you think

Your brain adapts best to very small, predictable steps.

Examples:

• 2 minutes of a task

• One tiny part of a routine

• A “half‑version” of a behaviour

2. Reduce the thinking load

Use supports that take pressure off your executive functioning:

• Written steps

• Checklists

• Timers

• Pre‑decided routines

• Environmental cues

3. Pace yourself to avoid burnout

Burnout recovery requires slow, steady, gentle changes.

4. Replace perfectionism with experiments

Try using phrases like:

• “This is a trial run.”

• “I’m gathering information.”

• “Good enough is enough.”

5. Learn your early burnout signs

Create a personalised list of:

• cognitive signs - your thoughts - including what you’re saying to people.

• emotional signs - are you tearful, angry, fearful…

• physical signs - tight chest, tummy ache, butterflies, headaches…

These help you spot overload before it becomes a crash.

10. Key Messages to Hold Onto

• Change is hard for every brain — but autistic and ADHD brains carry extra load.

• The reasons are neurological, not motivational.

• Burnout and perfectionism will make change feel heavier.

• Sustainable change is possible when it is small, paced, structured, and compassionate.

If you struggle with burnout and overwhelm, go easy on yourself and know that help is out there. If you would like more information about how therapy can help please contact Geraldine at admin@geraldineclairetherapy.co.uk

Geraldine Claire Therapy is based in Central Wilmslow and has over 20 years of experience of working with adults and young people.